No Prayer for the Last Friday

It was a pity that Muslims in all corners of the world could not agree on the prayer for the last Friday of Ramadan.
Had they come to an agreement, their prayer could have shaken the Zionist foundation and NATO; perhaps it might have blown up the Israeli satellite as well. But unfortunately, they disagreed among themselves; The Islamist Liberation Party agreed to let his stooges participate in the last Friday service on condition that their party leader be declared Caliph of the Muslims with special prayers for his welfare to be said on Mosque pulpits - namely, the following prayer should be said at every mosque all over the world:

"May Gracious Allah aid the Caliph of the Muslims, Leader of the Islamist Liberation Party and bless his wives and children and enable them to succeed him" And if he ever felt unwell, Muslims would be in duty-bound in all mosques in the Muslim world to say a special prayer imploring God for his speedy recovery.

You should know that what is taboo to you is permissible to him; and you and your wives are the "legal possession of his right hand " There is also the condition that the three members of the political Bureau - a Palestinian and two Jordanians of Kurd and Turkish origin - should be considered as members of the Prophet's family; and if they were ever mentioned you would have to say, "May Allah be pleased with them ... May Allah save the faces of the members of the political Bureau of the Islamist Liberation Party and promise them abode in Heaven whatever comes to pass ". 

The party also made the condition that its followers and their followers and stooges of their second line of followers take no part in the last Friday Prayer unless the Muslim Brothers Party was disbanded and its relation with the German Intelligence Service was disconnected in response to the political crisis raging between Great Britain and 'ungreat' Germany about modernizing nuclear missiles. Asked what the prayer on the last Friday of Ramadan had to do with Britain and Germany, their public relations officer told us that the nature of conflict made that necessary, and the Islamist Liberation Party could never act against God's religion, violate its oaths, or "untwist its yarn"; and that it had been historically and religiously allied to the people of the Book "the British Intelligence Service" since the invasion of Palestine and will remain so till Doomsday.

For its establishment, the Party is grateful to Hajj Lieut. Gen. Glubb and Hajj Laurence, may God bless their souls and consecrate their tombs in the south of England. When the followers of the Muslim Brothers heard this condition, they reacted by burning Nabahani's books and made it known that the Islamist Liberation Party was in the service of the Mossad and its members were stooges ... and that they received financial support from the Mossad every six months through Jordan ... and that this party had been formed by pro-British Palestinians since the British mandate of Palestine to forestall any Muslim plan to liberate Palestine ... and that the sole dream and ambition of the party leader was to become the Caliph of the Muslims for some time, even if it were only one month long with imams to mention his praises from the top of pulpits.

The Islamist Liberation Party counter-attacked the Muslim Brothers and accused them of misinterpreting the Koran in the books of Sayyid Qutb Zada, who was of Indian origin, entitled "Under the shades of the Koran" ... and that the purpose of this misinterpretation of the Koran was to nullify Nasser's credentials to rule and to assert those of Hassan Al-Banna instead, even though he was dead, because Al-Banna learnt the Koran by heart in his childhood - and no matter if he had forgotten it in his manhood - whereas Nasser never learnt the Koran. The real content of interpreting the Koran is these books called "Under the shades of the Koran" was the conflict in the Egyptian society over authority in the forties and the beginning of the fifties and, as such, it had nothing to do with the Koran, religion, God or Libya ..., and that religion was misused and the Koran misinterpreted intentionally to establish the right of one Egyptian group to rule against another. 

The Islamist Liberation Party reacted burning up Al-Mawdudi's books, proclaiming that they were a fiasco ... How could a foreigner, they said, teach us, being Arabs, our religion when it was we who had helped him to embrace Islam and by right were his imams and teachers?
They stated that it was absurd for an Arab to be taught by a foreigner, the religion of Prophet Mohamed in his own tongue, pure and clear Arabic! And, on their part, they made it a condition that the Muslim Brothers should sever their relations with the American Intelligence service, especially, Colonel John Palmer. They apologized for having had to disclose such sensitive secrets, but they explained that it was the golden rule of "tooth for tooth and eye for eye" and the one who started it was the most to blame.
Other movements, such as the Atonement and Migration from and to Palestine, the Jihad against the people of Ejdabia, and the Call for the Demolition of the Industrial complex at Ras Lanoof, took part in the argument concerning these serious matters, which would work miracles, such as desalinizing sea water for use in agriculture, transforming solar energy into electric energy, and perhaps changing stone into wool. And, in their own turn, they stigmatized the Muslim Brothers and the Islamist Liberation Party as infidels and accused them of being retrograde, hypocritical and immoral undercover man: and that the followers of these two parties could not challenge these new groups, nor could they break their beauty teeth or walk a distance of forty kilometres carrying a bag of sand weighing twenty-five kilogrammes every week. Neither could they fast for forty-five days instead of thirty, or bear to live for six months without having a bath, a shave, cleaning their teeth, or clipping their fingernails, nor could they get married without signing a marriage contract ... i.e. to follow the example of Mir Zada, peace be upon him!. When the interference of these new groups came to the attention of the Muslim Brothers and the Islamist Liberation Party, they passed a Fatwa (religious legislation) together and had it marked by the right thumb of the Yemeni chief, may Allah bless his soul, of the Islamic World Association at Holy Mecca and at the branches of the Association Ltd. in Washington D.C. at Holy Jerusalem, and at the old Institute of Shemlan ..., the Fatwa's purpose being to end the sterile arguments and disputes about religion which one should not go very deep into; and which one should exploit only to mobilize simple-minded followers and use as a mask before the masses.

They also threatened to expose these groups for being imported into the Arab World from foreign countries, and that they were meant to undermine the Arab Nation under the mask of religion, and to destroy Arab Nationalism in order to facilitate the emergence of an Israeli or Persian nationalism in the region, and combat the all-out progressive social trend in favour of an unreal Islamic trend, as agreed upon with the C.I.A. and Mossad, which meant swapping the Islamic trend for the Islamic Religion. They also stated that the Atonement and Migration Movement came originally from Pakistan, and the Call and Jihad from Afghanistan, India and Iran ... and that those regions were the old traditional place of origin of the schools of drug addicts, heretics and Western intelligence hostile to Islam and the Arab Nation. 

They added that these movements were an extension of Qadianiyah, Ahmadiyah and Bahaiyah whose founders feigned to be prophets and in the end turned their backs to Mohamed's religion and swapped it for Bahaiyah, Ahmadiyah and the like; and that instead of Islam, there would now be the calls of the Atonement and Migration and the Call and Jihad and the like. Thus we have lost the participation of these parties and their followers and stooges in the prayer on the last Friday of Ramadan as a result of the differences which could never be settled until Doomsday. 

Unfortunately the problem did not end at this point: The Muslims of Pakistan said to us. "we cannot participate because the occupied territory, as far as the Islamic state of Pakistan is concerned, is Kashmir, and our deadly enemy is India and not the so-called Israel". As for the Muslims in India, they declined the invitation to participate.
because they could not agree with us about the specific nature of the enemy and the purpose of Jihad. For Indonesia, the real enemy was the Muslim state of Malaysia, who had violated the borders of Indonesia, a Muslim state too, even though their traditional enemy was Japan.

On the other hand, the occupied territory for the Muslims in the Philippines was Mindanao and not Palestine ... Tel Aviv did not have any bad connotations for them as did Manilla. It was far worse to find Israeli embassies and exchange of interests between Muslims and the Zionist enemy. It became clear to us that Israel was the enemy of the Arab Nation only ... and that America was co-operating with some Muslim countries for the benefit of Israel, and that we were living in a fancy world of our own ... for Islam, as we have discovered, does not constitute a political, economic or military alliance ... We have found that Turkey, who in the name of Islam, had ruled the Muslim world for six hundred years, is a member of NATO, which is led by America, and that its relations with Israel are quite good. We have also found that the Muslim African countries seek help from western countries against us, and that they have no objection to non-Islamic basis on their Muslim soil, suffice it to say that the Islamic Republic of the Comoras has given up one of its islands to France as a gesture of gratitude for reinstating Hajji Ahmed Abdullah to authority ... and that the Muslim inhabitants of the island of Mayotte have voted to join Christian France. 

The previous painful conclusions have certified that Muslims in all corners of the world cannot ally themselves with us in Jihad against a common enemy, because the enemy of the Arabs is a friend to non-Arab Muslims and vice-versa ... so there is no much hope for a political or a military Islamic unity till Doomsday ... and that there is no common ground among us for mutual economic benefits at all.
For instance, Turkey has tourist and trade ties with Israel and is associated with Germany in man-power ... and is a partner with Europe in the European Common Market, against the wishes of Islam, May peace be upon it! And we have found that the Muslims of Liberia and Malawe are very pro-American. The only people, who sympathized with us, were revolutionaries from all corners of the world; but they were not Muslims!

They said, "We believe that the Arabs have been wronged and humiliated by Zionism and Imperialism, and that Palestine is an Arab country occupied in 1948" But we declined their offer of participation, because they were not Muslims. It was then that it became clear to us that the Muslims were not Arabs, and that the Arabs were Muslims. Well, the last Friday of Ramadan passed without the suggested prayer, because we had found out that every nation had its own religion, its own prophet, its own future, its own destiny, its own enemy and its own interests; other than that was mere deceit, absurdity and foolery. The Arab Nation would have to taste the bitterness of humiliation and the agony of having its rights encroached upon, and it would have to face extermination by its own enemy, who was at the same time an ally and a friend to non-Arab Muslim nations, because to settle these differences and contradictions by compromise was wishful thinking.

However, we had to let the followers and stooges of the parties of the Islamic Liberation, the Muslim Brothers, the Atonement and Migration, the Call and Jihad against innocent believers - we let them explore, as hens do in the soil, the books of Ibn Taimiyah ... and the Fatwa Sondosiyah ( Illustrious Fatwa) in the latest edition of the C.I.A. They said to us, "We shall take part in the Jihad as soon as we finished reading Imam Al-Ghazali to know whether death was a bird or a creature?! If it were a creature as Imam Al-Ghazali asserted, it would be bigger than a young donkey and smaller than a horse ... and whether the bunches of grapes which fell onto Khobeib Ibn Adei, when he was imprisoned by the unbelievers in Mecca, had come from Venus or Mercury, because vines did not grow in Mecca, but the Ibn Taimiyah, an ancient Sheik of Islam, insisted that grapes used to fall onto Khobeib every day; and that Om Aiman, who was fasting while she was on her way from Mecca to Medina, had nearly died of thirst when a meal of parsley soup was brought before her together with a bucket of mineral water marked "Evian" of which she drank her fill, and never felt thirsty for the rest of her life. 

He also asserted that Khaled Ibn Al-Walid once besieged a well-defended Roman fort, and asked the garrison to surrender. They agreed on condition that he should drink two glasses of "cyanide" poison which he did and not an inch of his intestines hurt him. This is what the sheik of Islam, Ibn Taimiyah, wrote in his famous book which is considered the constitution of the movement of the Atonement and Migration, the Call and Jihad, the Muslim Brothers and the Islamist Liberation. Well, here we are, waiting for the leaders of thought of these parties to specify the nature of death, if it is a bird or a creature ... and how the grapes found their way to the prisoner of Mecca, where vines did not grow ... and how the soup and Evian mineral water were brought to Om Aiman ...!

As these scientific researchers will, no doubt, shake up the whole world: its education, its truisms, and its nonsensical scientific fundamentals, which are based on the law of gravity, floating, trigonometry, solid geometry, centrifugal force and logarithm ..., so we are looking forward to the results of these scientific researchers carried out by the Islamist parties, which are imported and related to Magianism and transcendentalism, and we ought to help with reprinting the books of Ibn Taimiyah, Ibn Katheer and Al-Mawdudi, which have eye-catching titles like:
The Advice or Religion on the Private Life of Married Couples ... The Ruling of Religion on Smoking and Growing Beards ... More views about the Prophet and Polygamy ... and Khalid Ibn Al-Walid's way of Eating Dried Meat. In his view it is both useful and important for us to know how Khaled Ibn Al-Walid used to eat dried meat and not his war tactics and how he defeated the Romans. And then, there is his book entitled " The Sources of Wisdom of Eating with Three Fingers ".
O, Believers in one God, don't be downcast or feel grieved, because in the last Friday of next Ramadan, or the one after next Ramadan, or the one after that, we may very well have some very sensational scientific facts discovered for us, which will clarify these knotty issues.  > Next Book >